Relationships from an Islamic perspective

 This very important topic is smothered in cultural and personal assumptions, thus, below, you will find two recent lectures on this issue. For full context, they should be watched in order.

Taqwaa and Relationships: Salaat Al Jumu'ah Khutbah.

Note: Khutbah (sermon) begins at 2:50.

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Healthy Relationships in light of the Qur'an and Sunnah

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Note: presentation begins at 2:53

Can Modesty and Exhibition coexist? Thoughts on the first Hijabi supermodel

"And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze, guard their chastity( ft.1) and not to make a display of their attractiveness (ft.2) except what is obvious (ft.3), that they should drape their coverings (Khumurihinna) over their chests, and not to display their attractiveness except to their husbands....they should not strike their feet to draw attention to their hidden attractiveness. Turn towards God, all of you, O you who have faith, so that perhaps you will be successful." [Q 24:31]

A story on euronews I saw last week, and picked up by a number of news outlets, concerns Halima Aden. A young Somali-American, she has become famous for being on the runway of New York's Fashion show. Her story has received much attention, considering that she was born in a Kenyan refugee camp, and now is seemingly making a successful life in this field. A practicing Muslim, she wears Hijab [see here] , which obviously brings attention to the subject of modesty or Islamic dress in a field that thrives on sex appeal.

These discussions are not new. We have had both Hijabi and Non Hijabi Muslim women participating in the Olympics, and of course last year Hijab clad Noor Tagouri ( a journalist) appeared in Playboy [see here ]. While many on the Muslim community have treated this trend with approval, because they view these as examples of Muslims being accepted as a part and parcel of the American mainstream, other voices have expressed caution, as to the possible erosion of Islamic ethics.

What does the Qur'an say?

The Quranic verse which opens this article is one of three verses which are normally cited with regards to dress. We have opted for this verse, which comes from the twenty-forth chapter (called "The Light") because it appears within a context of broader social expectations. The chapter speaks on adultery and its legal [Shar'i] punishment ( vv. 2-9) (see ft.4), slander ( vv. 10-20), whom to marry ( in particular verse 26) , avoiding invading the privacy and personal business of others ( vv.27-29) 
  and that both sexes are to avoid objectifying each other  (vv.29-30). In other words, the so called Ayatul Hijaab here is given within a set of guidelines that are met to govern human interactions.

In 24:30 it says that men are supposed to guard their chastity(ft.5) because "That is the purest for them". In other words, it is best for men to avoid the temptations out there because it brings them into more problems.

We do have other texts within the Qur'an which speak of a dress code. Q 33:59 tells us that Muslim women are to wear coverings which would not bring forth undue and unwanted advances and that they be "known" as women of respect and "off-limits" in terms of harassment. The context there is interesting, in that speaks of "hypocrites and those who have diseased hearts" (33:60). I think that this informs us that while many men would not be bothered at all, regardless of how a woman is dressed [and such seems to be a healthy mentality], others would indeed be inspired to improper behavior and perhaps even worse! Therefore, the Quranic guidelines is that women should not even risk it!


Islamic values should influence the culture, not vice versa

Men and women both make judgements all the time, in terms of who and what they see as attractive. That would happen regardless of how much clothes is being worn, if a woman wears a scarf or not, or even if a woman wears a face-veil (Niqaab) (ft.6).

The Islamic position is that sex appeal should NOT be used to sell products or ideas. The Islamic position is that such an appeal, particularly for women, should be restricted, not as an item for oppression, but rather as a way to maintain public respect and decorum.

This does not require men to be awkward around women or women to be awkward around men. That does happen as well, and is a problem. Every culture has certain norms and expectations, and while we should be able to navigate all of them in such a way that we cause offense to no one, at the same time we should  avoid contradicting Islamic values of modesty and proper behavior.

I believe that Muslim women have rights just as men have rights, however for women in particular, be they Muslim or Non Muslim, they should not allow themselves to become little more than display models, products to be sold and objectified.

Hijab is meant to prevent that very thing, if we take the time to read the aforementioned Quranic texts.  Even within American culture, a Catholic nun [who, until relatively recently, used to wear a uniform that was similar to Muslim clothing, symbolizing modesty] may be attractive, and her attractiveness was evident, but was viewed and treated in public with respect.

So just as the dress of Catholic nuns denoted a loyalty to God and the church, as an example for the rest of society to consider, the Hijab should likewise be seen in the same light, and not be co-opted into a capitalist economy which considers everything for sale. Islam should inspire the best impulses in human beings, and a healthy questioning of the thinking modern life seems to preach is a good place to start.

I hope these few words generate thought and discussion. I would also like to point out that none of this should be seen as an attack on Halima Aden or anyone else, nor a questioning of anyone's loyalty to Islamic ethos. Indeed, in any field, identifying as a Muslim is an act of courage. We are simply seeking to impart that we need to think about this subject, as well as other topics that come up in the modern world.

Footnotes

[1] Furujahunna literally means their private areas. It is an expression oft used in the Qur'an to denote sex. In keeping with other translators, we have rendered it here as "chastity".

[2] The word rendered here as "attractiveness" is Zeenah (Zeenatahunna). There is some disagreement as to what exactly this entails, however I think that this would be recognizable to any adult, regardless of backround or cultural experience. There are clothing, speech and behavior that occurs within the familiar and the close circle that would not be deemed acceptable with those outside of that. It is sometimes imagined that Zeenah here refers to, in essence, attractive clothing, makeup, etc.. that should be only worn for the benefit of marriage relationship, yet the verse goes on to say that such Zeenah cannot be displayed except for husbands and  fathers, and so forth. It is well known that Islam restricts the intimate ties [and forbids incest and the like] so the verse cannot be simply speaking about, for example, lingerie. In light of these realities, we explain the verse as given in this note, that there is simply a limitation being made on the levels of openness to be made with those outside of a certain circle. Perhaps we can use more examples, such as how any person dresses in their home in the presence of their family, they will dress differently in the presence of strangers or non family members.

[3] Illa Maa Dhahara Minhaa, rendered as "except what is obvious" is another phrase that whose understanding varies among the commentators. A man or woman may be judged as handsome or non handsome, a woman attractive or non attractive, by any observer they encounter. Some believe the term Khimaar (The plural Khumur is given in the verse) includes covering of the eyes, in fact, one Tafseer states that only one eye of a woman is allowed to be seen, however that does not coincide with the Qur'an. If The Qur'an [Q 24:30] commands women to cover their faces, the injunction to not objectify women [translated by Yusuf Ali as "say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze"] would be meaningless!

It is worth remembering that every culture has its norms. In places within the Persian Gulf, as well as within Afghanistan and Western Pakistan, it is the norm for women to cover their faces. While it is not our intention to pass judgements on this practice, the Qur'an obviously speaks of a society in which men and women are at least, in normal circumstances, able to see each other. This seems to be the normative situation in human societies.

In recent times we have witnessed a trend among Muslim activists to dismiss and downplay Hijab. The argue that the word Hijab is never used in the Qur'an for a head covering. While this is true, the Qur'an 24:30 uses the term Khumur (Singular Khimaar as explained above) and this is what is today commonly called Hijab. The Khimaar is understood to have to cover not only the hair, but also the neck, ears, and the verse places emphasis on covering up the chest.

Any other clothing item[s] that have the same function as explained above is Islamically acceptable. shirts, head scarves, bonnets and hats, etc... and indeed throughout the Muslim world we see that clothing style varies, especially among women.


[4] The Qur'an prescribes lashes as a penalty for Zinaa [Adultery]. However, it also requires four witnesses ( Q 24:14) to the act, and the scholars have stated that they must witness actual penetration. This is an almost impossible requirement, a criterion unneeded in any other legal situation. Moreover, in Islam there are prohibitions against getting into the private lives of others (Q 49:12, as well as the Prophet's statement "from among the pleasant Islamic [decrees] is to leave alone that which has no meaning to him", in Tirmidhee's collection]. So the punishment is to be given only in instances where public health and morality are under threat. It is also interesting that historically the Hanafi Fuqahaa seemed to have treated Zinaa and Nikaah [marriage] as the same, so that practically the prohibitions of marriage [for example, not being allowed to marry one's mother in law] also applies to Non marriage relationships. It is said that Imam Abu Hanifa felt that those who did have relation outside of marriage should simply get married. The treatment of Zinaa and Nikaah as being equal is not agreed upon by the scholars. Great luminaries such as Imam Shafi'ee and Imam Malik are examples of those who totally rejected the Hanafite viewpoint.

[5] The term Furuuujahum appears here, as referring to males (contrasting to females as explained in footnote 1). This shows us that contrary to popular opinion, chastity is a requirement for both genders!

[6] Niqaab, as well as it's variants worldwide, is something not commanded by the Qur'an. Our reasoning is articulated in footnote 3. This does not mean that we see the Niqaab as being prohibited. Ultimately people can wear whatever they want, as dictated by personal taste and cultural styles. There is a level of common sense in all of this as well. Ski masks are not allowed in banks, and universally passport pictures require that the face be shown, yet, in places in the Middle East and West Africa, it is necessary to cover the face to protect it from sunburn.

Accessing our lost spiritual wealth

The following is an edited version of the address given at the spirituality session at Toledo Masjid Al-Islam January 11th, 2016.]

We have to begin this subject by referring to the Qur'an. It says that the essence of every human being acknowledges their Lord. Alastu  Berabbikum? Qaaloo Balaa Shahidnaa. "Am I not your Lord", God asks. "Yes, we testify", is the response. It goes on to say that on judgement day, the excuse of "simply" adhering to family/social conventions will not be acceptable in the Divine Court.[ Q 7:172-173]

We also have the hadeeth in which the Prophet reportedly says " Every child is born upon the Fitrah." . This part of the hadeeth can be seen as Tafseer on the verses mentioned earlier. The hadeeth continues "His parents make him a Jew, a Christian, or a Zoroastrian." [Bukhari and Muslim]. So what do we learn?

[1] All humans possess, to use the language of tonight's program- that treasure, or at least they possess the potential to access that treasure.

[2] That treasure is bright, it is shiny and attractive, and is at its brightest in children, especially the very young. This fact is universally know, across religions and cultures. The Bible has it that Jesus says "You shall not enter heaven until you become like these little children." [Matt. 18:3]

Across human cultures, the statements and smiles of children are seen as reflecting an essential goodness and purity. Indeed, adults are often judged by other adults based upon their children's impressions. That is just a fact! In Islamic terminology, this is called Fitrah, the term highlighted in the hadeeth cited earlier.

Moreover, across human societies, crimes against children are seen as among the most horrible of crimes.


[3] Children are raised, influenced by their societies, to become adults with the thinking of that society or their surroundings. Thus, the import of the second part of the hadeeth "the parents make him a Jew, Christian or Zoroastrian".  This part of the hadeeth highlights  for us that treasure becoming lost or, to use another term, buried.


When the treasure gets buried, the consequences are profound. Faith in fellow man as well as faith in God weakens, if not totally dies! Ties between peoples become little more than business transactions. Trust is destroyed. A Vacuum is created, a hole is made. Some attempt to fill it by using drugs. Some turn to alcohol. Some will turn to other items. Others may seek to fill that hole by harming themselves, or others, even going to the route of committing suicide. Others still will turn to materialism as their god, or fill that hole in their own soul by seeking to dominate other human being, seeking after power and authority. They will often proclaim belief in empty, meaningless expressions. They make their lives' mission the acquisition of the biggest phones, the biggest cars. They risk becoming a people dedicated to nothing but indulgence.


Why tell us about the original acknowledgement?

After God says all of Adam's children recognize, in their own core, we are told

"Thus, do we [Allah] explain clearly the signs so that perhaps they will return " { Q 7:174]

وَكَذَلِكَ نُفَصِّلُ الآيَاتِ وَلَعَلَّهُمْ يَرْجِعُونَ

This means that Allah has told us this in order that we may return to it. He has told us a treasure exists and has even given us a map.



Continuing with this analogy. By stages, we are taught how to read the map. Messengers of God come to give us tips, to instruct us as to its symbols. There is even a discipline that must be adhered to if we are going to read the map correctly.

The  role of ritual

All religions have the rituals of worship, fasting and prayer, in some sense or another. These concepts have survived the corruptions that have taken place over the countless generations. However, in Islam we have Al Kitaab Al Mubeen, The Clear Scripture and we also have the Straight Path. "All paths lead to God", the popular saying goes. However, the Islam of the Qur'an and Prophet Muhammad constitutes the straight path. The shortest distance between two points is a straight line. That is Islam. Islam is the path that gets you there quick.

We have prayer and fasting, but we also have a discipline. This is shown in what the religion says about pork. Yes, Allah created pigs, yet he also says we are not to consume them. God created grapes, yet he says we are not to consume wine. These are NOT petty injunctions. These are examples of the discipline needed to study that map and bring out the treasure which has been hidden for so long!

So all of the authentic teachings and rules of Islam are present for our benefit and welfare.


Can antiquity be our guide?

When we talk about guidance, we tend to look at the past. For Muslims of all shades and madhaahib, we will look to the time of the Prophet. For Christians, they will focus upon the person of Christ. In this practice, we are indirectly acknowledging that there are deficiencies in today's way of thinking.

There is truth in this, however we can also view this in another way. Our Recent past, as recently as our parents and grandparents, can likewise provide us with keys to unlocking that treasure. Our recent past includes people we admire in our family line or in our society. I am not talking about actors and politicians. I am talking about figures who were truly about what is right, especially those we saw personally and was able to access personally.

Think about what you admire and love within them. Perhaps they were hard working, courageous. People dedicated to prayer, overcoming serious problems. These positive things are also a source of guidance. After all, Allah does not make mistakes. He placed you in your family and in your unique set of circumstances as a foundation.


Contemporary mindset very evil

The prevalent mindset in today's world is directed by evil forces. In politics, social order, even in the imagery of religion. The prevalent mindset promotes violence, xenophobia, racism, enmity between communities, selfishness, distrust, greed and paranoia. It promotes individualism in an unhealthy way, making us easier prey. Moreover, the prevalent mindset is against education.

Education should give us knowledge as well as cultivation, to make us better people. But today there are moves that seek to go against making us better people, In short, the prevalent mindset seeks to lock us out of the treasure.


Be courageous

Don't be afraid to be "weird". The Muslim should particularly be "weird" in the sense that our thinking and mindset be directed by this religion more so than any other consideration.

"And whosoever obeys Allah and his Messengerr have already acheived a mighty acheivement.{ Q 33:71}
وَمَن يُطِعْ اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ فَقَدْ فَازَ فَوْزًا عَظِيمًا

Every child is born upon the Fitrah

Children don't know fiqh or religious labels. They don't even care about that. They do, however, love. They share. They trust. They bring out things in adults. They worship without any urging from their parents.

Watch your toddlers put down a rug and make Sajdah. They do so with joy, and brings joy to the hearts of nearby adults.

The Prophet's grandchildren [Hasan and Husseein] used to climb on his blessed back when he was in Sajdah, and it has happened to us all. Even within the animal kingdom, at the Haram [Makkah, site of the Ka'bah], birds are always circling the Ka'bah [i.e. Tawaf] and never make any droppings on the pilgrims.

Children and animals both exists in a state which recognizes God. For children, the older they get the easier it gets to be taken into another direction, which is mentioned in the hadeeth.


Job of Parents

Parents have to strive to bring up their children right, and the children also push their parents in the right direction, having the correct attitude. The children can give us keys to the treasure, and even tips on how to read the map. When that map is read with the distractions of ego, anger, insecurity, past hurts and the like, you will go in the wrong direction.

So it's more than having a map or even the treasure. It has to be read correctly and the treasure has to be utilized correctly.

Qur'an

"So when you read the Qur'an, seek refuge with Allah from Satan, the rejected enemy." [ Q 16:98]

فَإِذَا قَرَأْتَ الْقُرْآنَ فَاسْتَعِذْ بِاللّهِ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ الرَّجِيمِ

We don;t just say 'Bismillah"! People can [and do] be horrible in the name of God. We have to say A 'oodhoo Bellaahee Minash shaytaanir Rajeem.

In a similar way, money cannot solve our problems unless we know how to use it!

As life goes on, the more knowledge and experience we get under our belt, the easier it should be to use that map and utilize the treasure. If we don't have the knowledge/experience, we have to follow those who do.

"So ask the people opf reminder, i.e. knowledge, if you don't know" { Qur'an 16:43, 21:7]
فَاسْأَلُواْ أَهْلَ الذِّكْرِ إِن كُنتُمْ لاَ تَعْلَمُونَ

The guides can take us there, or at least show us where to look and what to zoom in upon.

Addressing our unique needs

All of us have some common needs, but there are needs that are unique. A person needing evidence that God exists is not the same as one needing to learn the details of the salaat. The first person is skeptical, while the other simply needs technical support.

Moreover, an astray person, in need of guidance, yet attempts to always argue with the guide or put on a show for the guide, that person needs hidaayah the most, and if the guide cannot deal with them, it is to the loss of that astray person.

In the Seerah literature, we have a report which states that a man came to the Prophet [peace and blessings of Allah be upon him]  complaining that he [the Prophet] was  not giving out wealth correctly. The man said to the Prophet "Fear Allah, O Muhammad" [as the exact wording says Faqaala "AttaqqiLLaah, Yaa Muhammad"].

The man didn't even call him "Prophet or Messenger" . He says "Muhammad". The Prophet responded "who is more in obedience to God that me, who is more trustworthy than me?" [Bukhari and Muslim].

The hadeeth says the man walked away. That man, tradition says, is the progenitor of the Khawaarij [Kharijites], the first terrorists group in the Muslim communitty. This emerged in Iraq, where ISIS has likewise, also emerged.

So when the guides are marginalized or ignored due to ego, the consequences can be devastating, both physically and spiritually.

The same hadeeth goes on to talk about a people who recite the Qur'an, but it doesn't go beyond their throats. They leave the religion the way an arrow leaves the bow when shot out [thus, the name Khawaarij, from the root kharaja 'he left']

While we see this hadeeth as predicting a political rebellion, this can also be seen in a spiritual sense. God knows what he's doing. He sent prophets and guides as well. He sent guidance. He sent a map. So don't underestimate the guide. Let him help you, and you help him,

Let us use the map, let us access the treasure for our benefit, and whatever level we are at now. May Alllah be our protector and guide.

Gender identity: thoughts on a Canadian couple's parenting style

Admittedly, this composition is hard to write, and I have even wondered if it was necessary to even write about this issue. In the end, however, it seems necessary to speak on this. A reader sent me the following link: [url] http://www.parentcentral.ca/parent/babiespregnancy/babies/article/995112--parents-keep-child-s-gender-secret[/url]which interviews a Canadian couple who have decided to raise a "genderless baby" named Storm! The reasoning behind such a move is given in the following excerpt from the article

“When the baby comes out, even the people who love you the most and know you so intimately, the first question they ask is, ‘Is it a girl or a boy?’” says Witterick, bouncing Storm, dressed in a red-fleece jumper, on her lap at the kitchen table.

“If you really want to get to know someone, you don’t ask what’s between their legs,” says Stocker.

When Storm was born, the couple sent an email to friends and family: “We've decided not to share Storm's sex for now — a tribute to freedom and choice in place of limitation, a stand up to what the world could become in Storm's lifetime (a more progressive place? ...).”

The article goes on to say that the "liberal" couple's two sons have been raised in a similar fashion, they pick out clothes from both boys and girls sections of the stores, and seem to have been nurtured in such a fashion wherein its acceptable to wear hair styles and colors generally associated with females.

It's certainly true that gender roles and identifying markers are largely subjective, in the sense that cultures have varying norms and styles associated with males and females respectively. In the Middle East, men wear the Jalabiyyah. It's a long [to the feet], one piece tunic. The traditional depictions of Jesus has him wearing a white Jalabiyyah-type cloth. Yet, in an American context, it may be seen by many unfamiliar with other cultures as a woman's dress!

Yet, as the article itself points out, there is no mistaking the genitalia of a person. As a baby grows, their gender will be apparent, and this is certainly true in the onset of puberty.

Rebellion against nature


While we admit that gender identifying clothes/habits/tastes vary according to cultural norm, the whole premise of "not identifying the gender, allowing the child to choose their gender" is a form of rebellion against nature! In the modern world, where we see ourselves as having control over every aspect of life, we have a deficit in terms of our connection with what's real.


What happened to the days when kids loved to play outside? These days, everyone wants to have their children [or more accurately, the children themselves desire] to play video games, music and games on their phone, chatting and using twitter, rather than engaging on a social level. We depend on electronic media and seemingly isolate ourselves from the natural world.

Of course, we have to admit that, from a religious standpoint, this is one of our objections to homosexuality. Procreation cannot take place between two men or between two women, it can only happen in a relationship between a man and a woman. Homosexuality is inherently against nature. Yet, what we are talking about, the complete elimination [or at least marginalization] of gender from identity, especially of a child, is a whole other ballgame. It's worse than simply having a sexual preference that's unnatural! These parents, what are they setting their children, especially the baby named Storm, up for? How will the children themselves have healthy lives when they are living in a situation wherein they are raised with a thought that keeping secret one's gender is a virtue?

It is our hope that the parents will see that their choice to use their children to preach an agenda of gender elimination from society will have devastating emotional and psychological consequences, and correct the situation before its too late. It is also our hope that in general, humankind will return to having natural, healthy relationships, both with each other and with the planet in general.