The
role of men in Islam: some reflections on commonly asked questions
Introduction
While there have always been cultural differences between
groups, a certain amount of uniformity existed amongst all, particularly when
it comes to the biological and social functions of men and women. Men would be
deemed the de facto head of the households, and women would carry
responsibilities within the family.
This has certainly changed, not only in the West, but
increasingly around the world. The reasons and general implications of these
changes are beyond the scope of this presentation, nonetheless it is prudent to
address some commonly asked questions from an Islamic perspective. I am cognizant
that the following views are debatable, and I welcome respectful dialogue. I
would also like to point out that this article does not endorse any actions or
attitudes that bring forth familial and social disasters.
(1) Masculine leadership
The need for organization is universally recognized. In
fact, we have countless examples of it in nature. Bees are organized into
Queens, workers and drones. The beehive itself is set up to maximize productivity
and storage. The Qur’an (16:68) actually makes a reference to their cognitive
abilities and their organizational activity, referring to it as products of
Divine inspiration.
In a similar fashion, the Qur’an has mentioned what a
healthy structure is supposed to look like:
“The Men are responsible (Qawwamoona ‘alaa) for the maintenance of (their) ladies: in that
God has consistently delivered those (abilities) over (the same to) others, and
in that they (the men) spend of their means (amwaalihim)... “Q 4:34)
The above text mentions responsibilities and places emphasis
on financial arrangements. These two items certainly translate into different
things for different people, and admittedly can vary from era to age. The term Qawaamoon carries the meaning of holding
up, on a regular basis, a healthy establishment.
This can take the form of protection, advice, and guidance
from a more rational basis. In terms of financial arrangements, ultimately this
a guarantee of relative security, rather than a whimsical or temporary
relationship.
(2) Polygamy
(1
Undoubtedly a sensitive topic for women, Islam has allowed
it, as illustrated in the following text:
“So marry women of your choosing: two, three or four, yet if
you fear inability to be just, then one (waahidah),
or from malakat aymaanukum,(ft.1) that is most suitable to prevent injustice” (
Q 4:3).
A reading of the context reveals that the idea is simply a
form of protection for those who are isolated, alone, without families or
familiar support (al yataamaa). The Qur’an
has not been silent on social needs, this is a faith which recognizes the
realities of the world.
(3)
Is there any physical disciplining allowed in
Islam?
This topic deserves a great deal of analysis,
as there are many misconceptions on this. The Qur’an summarizes the wife’s duty
as “guarding what God would have them guard..” which is understood to include
family wealth, private information as well as (most importantly) intimate
relations. It says further that when there is risk of the above being violated,
the husband is to (a) inform her tactfully (fa’idhoo-hunna),
(b) sleep separately ( ihjurununna fil madaaji’i) , and
(c) take a physical step (idribuhunna).
The “physical step” has been given in the
Prophetic Sunnah as NOT domestic abuse, but rather showing displeasure by
using- for an example- a tooth brush (Miswak).
Moreover, we are told directly in the hadeeth
literature (saheeh Muslim 2328) that
Prophet Muhammad never hit a woman.
Moreover, the term idrib has a plethora of alternative meanings, both in the Qur’an
itself as well as usages in Arabic, including to leave, to propose/explain
(ft.2) . This has led many to suggest that the meaning is simply for the man to
depart from the relationship in which the woman has showed disrespect of the
basic duties (Nushooz).
Most have understood a-c above as the
sequence of steps to take to resolve the negative situation, while the great
jurist Imam Abu Hanifa (d. 767 C.E.) has taken the above as choices, rather
than sequential steps.
There is some guidance on this aspect from
the traditions of the Prophet that relate to other matters. He has
categorically stated that the faces should not
be struck, and that believers are not to bring harm to each other. Thus,
putting all of this together, it seems to be suggesting that in those times
that harmony is needed, that the healthy, mature husband is to take action to safeguard
the family, to use an analogy, to push a person out of the way of an incoming
vehicle, as a means to save their life.
This should never translate into domestic
violence, abuse or harm of any type, as such would be inconsistent with Islamic
values.
(4)
Dress
Men and women are both expected to dress with
decorum and modestly in public. The precise clothing varies according to
personal and cultural/environmental tastes. For more details, see Shamsuddin
Waheed: Just what is allowed and not allowed in Islam? Addressing some commonly
asked questions
at this link
(5)
Equality between men and women
The Qur’an certainly says that there are ways in which men
and women are different, including that of physical strength. This is the
typical pattern in human beings.
However, in the most important areas, we clearly see a
spiritual equality, in the sense that both genders are equal in the sight of
Allah. The Qur’an says “VERILY, for all men and women who have surrendered
themselves unto God, and all believing men and believing women, and all truly
devout men and truly devout women, and all men and women who are true to their
word, and all men and women who are patient in adversity, and all men and women
who humble themselves [before God], and all men and women who give in charity,
and all self-denying men and self-denying women and all men and women who are
mindful of their chastity, and all men and women who remember God
unceasingly: for [all of] them has God readied forgiveness of sins and a mighty
reward.” (Q 33:35 Muhammad Asad translation)
The Qur’an also states that both have a chance of paradise of
hellfire, contingent upon their thinking process and actions ( Q 33:73).
Footnotes
(1) The
concept of milk-ul-yameen has
traditionally been understood as sexual slavery: we reject that assertion, in
light of Quranic evidence, for which, see Shamsuddin
Waheed: Does Islam sanction slavery? see link here
(2) For
other Quranic examples, see 4:101, 3:156, 14:24, 25 and other verses.
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